June 2010
The partner relationship and the nuclear family
A partner relationship is like a luck tub. When both give more then they require from their partner, then they fill-up their luck tub. However, if both give little in their relationship, but draw out much of it, then the tub is soon empty and the partners happiness is gone. Some people want to much from a partner. In an extreme case a woman wants a sort of a hero, an attractive man who supplies her with the happiness, that she can not create herself. She would like him as a go-getter, successful, a man of respect who gives her security. Should he not be an entertaining and sympathetic interlocutor, loyal and romantic, a man who astonish her with joyful surprises? In an extreme case a man wants a woman which gives him always the same enthusiasm as he has felt at their first sight or their first meeting. He wants an attractive and understanding partner. She should always convince him that he is for her the very first choice. She should be there when he needs her, understandingly, sexy and tender-hearted. She should never be boring. She should simply supply him with the happiness that he can not create himself. Women and men have mostly to cope with different situations. Their goals are different. This can create tensions. Partnerships are also threatened by new circumstances, illness and death.A society that loves its children must therefore ensure that children do not fall in a void when a partnership breaks down.
If society as a whole will ensure that children and mothers find housing, and their main costs covered, the situation of men will also change. It will be no longer their task to give the family a security, that they can not give. Therefore men would feel less pressure to gain high wages and acquire great wealth with dubious methods sometimes. Instead, they can professionally do things that make them more fun and live and work in a way, that they are an example for children and also interesting for them. Men with fewer financial commitments can reduce their power- and money claims. The social orientation of men might shift from their physical children more toward the public welfare. An extension of their social role would have a positive effect on the perceived self-worth of men. It would make their lives brighter and happier. It makes a man happy when he can find sense and recognition in some larger scene. The self-perception of women has much changed in recent decades. The correct answer of the man could be an extension of his social role beyond his life in the family.